Loving Our Children

Last week, the teachers had our bi-monthly meeting. In discussing our philosophy of ministry at Cross, we talked about how important it was that we treat the children and youth we teach as if they were our own. To accept them and love them deeply, but also to love them enough not to allow bad habits and false ideas about God to blossom. This is important because many times when we don't see things this way, it leaves room for bad habits to form. For instance, most parents know that when a child displays a bad attitude or throws a tantrum, the worst thing is to allow them to think that this is a good type of behavior. Why then would we allow them to do this at church? What are we really teaching them by letting them get their way?

In some ways, letting them get away with things at church might be more than just bad, it might be detrimental. When we allow children to put their needs before God's or when we let them think that they can disrupt worship, we are passively teaching them that church is not about God but about them.

In an article I recently read, Greg Stier writes about 5 Reasons Jesus Would Be Fired if He Was Your Youth Pastor. I think all five reasons (well really four) were helpful to think about, but his number 1 reason kept me thinking. Stiers says that Jesus would shrink the group before he grew it. I don't think Jesus (or Stier) would do this just to keep the numbers down. It's more about seeing value in the quality of the group over the quantity. In other words, if we really want to do ministry as Jesus does it, we might think less about what people want and more about what is good for people. This, of course, includes grace, love, peace, and acceptance. However, it also includes speaking truth, rebuking, and working through conflicts.

We know that when we love someone, we do more than just be nice. We get involved, things get messy, there's some conflict, but we love them enough to work through it. We are called to love our children and youth this way. We are also called to love one another this way.

Simple, Not Simplistic, Part 1

"I miss the days when I used to know everything." So begins a fitness blog I recently read.  It was about how the 'latest' and the 'greatest' scientific studies would tell you exactly what is best for your health in black and white terms...  "Eating fat will make you fat"; "Protein never results in weight gain"; "Coffee is really bad for you"; "Egg yolks are evil"... so on and so forth.  The point was how we so often gravitate toward these unequivocal statements.  The more adamant and simplistic the claims were, the more we thought them to be true.

But they were not.

Often, after several months, someone would publish another study that would soundly debunk the first study.  (Case in point: couple of years ago, people began to rally around the dangers of high fructose corn syrup. And it is true -- high consumption of high fructose corn syrup is bad for you, but so are 'regular' sugars.)  The truth of the matter is that being healthy is more about balance and moderation, requiring both self-discipline and accountability.  It is sometimes as simple as "walk more", but always bigger than a simplistic black-and-white solution that will magically make everything better.

By now you've caught on that I think spiritual life (or life) is like this.  We--especially in the church--are often prone to jumping from one big "do-this-and-you-will-find-transcendent-peace/purpose/success-in-life" bandwagon to another.  (Remember the Prayer of Jabez?  How did that work out?)

But spiritual life (life), while clearly it does not have to be complicated, can never be simplistic.  Over the next several posts, I want to reflect on this.  What are some 'simplistic' approaches or slogans that you've latched onto trying to jumpstart your faith life?

Truthiness

"I believe that when I perform it in a theatrical context in the theater that when people hear the story in those terms that we have different languages for what the truth means." Mike Daisey, This American Life #460-Retraction

I recently listened to TAL's retraction episode (first aired on March 16) and I admit I was baffled by Mike Daisey's insistence that "truth" meant something different in theater than it did in journalism. Scott Walters defends Mike Daisey in the Huffington Post citing that in "creative non-fiction" (huh?) there is a distinction between "emotional truth" and "factual truth."

[Short summary: Mike Daisey is a writer/performance artist who wrote and performed a one-man play called The Agony and Ecstasy of Steve Jobs (NY Times gave it a good review). As part of the play, Daisey recounts his trip to a Foxconn factory in Shenzhen where he observes firsthand the deplorable working conditions. That's the part that gets him press from the mainstream media, including TAL. The problem is, however, that many of the details were not factually correct; in fact, many were just plain outright fabricated. Hence the retraction from TAL. To his credit, Daisey admitted he made a mistake and has since publicly apologized.]

Following this story (yes, I realize that it's a month old), I found myself asking a few questions:

1. Does fact=truth? Or truth=fact?

2. Can fact and/or truth mean different things in different context? (e.g. we believe the Bible to be true, but is it true in the same way that a math book is true? Can something be sort of true and still be considered true?)

What do you think?

Why We Sometimes Procrastinate

For the past couple weeks, I've been plagued by red eyes, which I came to call as Sauron eyes.


The funny thing is that I tried to do everything, but I put off the one thing that might help - to go and see a doctor. I researched "red and raw eyes" online, talked to an optometrist friend, and tried every form of eye drop that was available over-the-counter. I kept hearing the sweet promise of Ben Stein, the Clear Eyes' man...you know the one from Ferris Bueller, that my eyes would become startlingly white. Unlike that red-striped beach ball from the commercials, my eyes did not instantly clear. In fact, no matter what I did, they only grew redder. It was only after I visited the doctor that they cleared up.

Why is it so hard for us to do what's good for us? Why do we sometimes let our problems, issues, pains fester?

One insight I gained from my short trial was that sometimes we do this because we fear it might be something serious. AND if it's serious, we might actually have to work really, really hard to make a change. Change will not sweep over us and instantly clear our red eyes. It's work and most of us fear it.

Why is it that I can't (or won't) let go of that one insulting comment? Why do I let a wrong fester for a week, a month, or even years without doing anything? Or how about a hurt from someone? Why do I let myself live with pain rather than go and see the Healer?

If you're still stuck, then let me say these three things:

1. The longer you let your ailment fester, the harder it will be to undo.
Like a knot, it will twist tighter and tighter into itself. So the application here is, get on it. Don't be like me and do everything, BUT ask for true help.

2. Asking for help is not just a step in the healing process, sometimes it is the main step.
I think we tend to underestimate asking God for help. Sometimes that's all people did in the Bible. They didn't try and do it by themselves. Remember the Israelites crying out to the Lord? Most times all we can do is say, HELP!

3. The Holy Spirit is alongside of us to help us do the work.
Be encouraged! God is with you, to comfort, compel, and guide you through the grueling hard work. We cannot do this by ourselves and God knows it. Our illness, hurts, pains, need more than the human touch. It needs God's touch and he is all too willing to heal us. And, yes, God does use people in this process.

On Good Friday we brought things to the cross. Things that we've been keeping from dying on the cross with Jesus. Jesus already did the work of dying, now how are we going to break out of our cycle of death and live?

Lonely Interactivity

There is a lot of discussion these days about whether "social media" is actually "social."  In fact, there is growing evidence that greater reliance on social media is making us more antisocial in our behavior, and adding to our feelings of loneliness.  However you slice it, you can't get away from the looming sense that the more connected we've become, the greater our sense of alienation has grown.


I just read an article in The Atlantic on the impact of Facebook in all this, and it brought up some interesting research.  One was that the lonelier someone felt, the more time he/she would spend on Facebook.  And when they spent more time on Facebook, the more disconnected and isolated they would feel.  What seems to be happening is that when one reads about all the cool things other people are doing with their lives, the more depressed they became about their own lives.


Another researcher noted that those people who tend to use Facebook in a "non-personal" way -- scanning for updates of other people, reading what other people post -- have a greater tendency to feel lonely, versus those who use Facebook in a more "personal" way -- leaving comments on their friend's dog's pictures, liking someone else's status update, etc..


Clearly, there are limits to what Facebook can and cannot do, and it would be a poor substitute for real friendships and real "in the flesh" connections with people.  Some of this criticism is brought on by Facebook itself.  Words like "friends", "like", are connection- and emotion-laden terms, and we have all scoffed at someone mistaking their Facebook friendship count for true social capital.  Alternately, everyone has had those awkward moments when someone you barely met now wants to be your "friend."  But what seems to be happening is that our ultra-connected times are exposing some dark tendencies of the human heart -- depression, narcissism, loneliness, superficiality...


I am not espousing going back in time; social media is here to stay.  So then, how then do you approach things like Facebook?  Any advice on how to grow 'true' community and friendships in our times?  What are your standards for "friends"?


I have to go post about this blog on Facebook now. ;-)

What Does the Cross Remind You?

I've been thinking about this question this week, as I prepare for our Good Friday service.  Then I thought this we would be something that others are probably thinking about.  So...

What does the cross mean to you?  

Holy Week: Eyes on Jesus...

Palm Sunday (last week) begins what is traditionally known as 'Holy Week', the week leading up to Easter Sunday.

For those of us less-liturgically raised, it is a challenge. We lack the guide of tradition to understand just how we ought to be during this time.

Don't get me wrong--I am not saying we do not appreciate the significance.  We know this ought to be a centerpiece of our year, but like someone who understands the words but misses the punchline, we feel left out of something we think we should 'get.'

One thing I am beginning to understand, is that this is the time when the focus turns to Jesus.  This seems like a blatantly banal statement... and it may be.  But what I mean is that Lent has led me (us) to a time of deep personal reflection about the darkness of my condition, and my soul's dependence... but now Holy Week comes around and makes me travel with Jesus, in what is clearly his journey.  In doing this, my obsession over my life gets swept up into an observation of Christ's life, death, and resurrection.

In other words, it turns from "Christ, who is with me" to "me, who is with Christ."

Which is the way it should be...