Some of us at Cross have committed to doing a common daily devotional together. We are reading Brennan Manning's Reflections for Ragamuffins in this first go-around, and I -- along with others -- will be doing some reflections on the Reflections.Based on the reading for June 23, "Knowing Who We Really Are."
"Jesus' freedom from public opinion and nagging concern of what others might think enabled him to live with honesty and spontaneity. There could be no facade, no mask, no pretense, no sham, no playing of roles. For the Nazarene Carpenter, to have integrity meant to be genuine, to communicate authentically, to resonate with his feelings.... The injunction of Paul to "put on Christ" explicitly meant not to conform...but only to please [the] Father."
Okay, a little vulnerability here.
Ever since I turned 40 (which was a while ago), I have been fighting it. Hard. What is it? Well, it is not looking like my image of what a "middle-aged" man looks like. Someone who tucks in their t-shirts into their trousers. Someone who wears the wrong kind of socks with the wrong kind of shoes. While wearing shorts that are too short. Someone who drives a sensible car, or a minivan, while wearing expensive sunglasses, because somehow that is supposed to offset the middle-agedness of the whole thing.
For all my fretting, I am afraid I have now become that other caricature of a middle-aged man -- the guy who is fighting looking like a middle aged guy. The guy who tries to wear 'what the kids are wearing.' The guy who tries really hard to keep up with the music and the lingo.
If only 'knowing who we really are' was as simple as Brennan makes it seem. How many of us are not pretending, not fighting it? Maybe you are not fighting your middle-age, but we are fighting something -- our past, our ghosts, our insecurities about our appearance, our insecurities about the level of competence and achievement, our families, etc., etc., etc..
The funny thing is, it is so obvious when others are doing it, but so hard to know when you are doing it. And what is wrong with us that we form our relationships that so few of our 'friends' will ever tell us when we are being, as Brennan would say it "posers, fakes and wannabees"?
Peace.
