Levitated Mass

I often find myself being hopelessly negative. It can begin with a small kernel of a thought; something harmless like my jeans are really tight today. Then it grows bigger...I'm so fat! Somehow it all ends with I'm 30 and I have nothing. Pretty depressing, right? Well, I do this with my spirituality. At Cross we're talking about transformation, and sometimes I let one bad thought in about my sinfulness and then I find myself saying, "God, I haven't grown at all!!!"

This is not true.

This past week I had the opportunity to pray in a really cool environment. There was a violinist who played live for us, a cool art piece in the front, and dim lighting. As I prayed I felt those negative kernels of thoughts melting away. Thoughts like: I should pray more, why can't I focus for more than five minutes, why do I always remember to catch up on my favorite TV shows, but I don't remember to read the Bible. For some reason, I wasn't caught up with all that, and I just got to come before God. Freed from guilt.

As I prayed, there was one resounding thought: God, let me be open. Open to just hear from you. Use my distracted thoughts and just let me hear from you. I don't want to set the agenda for prayer, I want you to set it for me.

Then he pointed something out to me. Look, Sun, look how you've grown. Before you came before me and you felt like a distracted and energetic puppy. You bounced from thought to thought, not really knowing what was of significance. Now look at you, you're solid. And I felt it too.

I felt solid like a rock. Like that Levitated Mass that's been making it's way through our cities. It's so huge and solid that it took 12 days to move. God reminded me that I have grown. He doesn't want us to be weighed down by guilt every time we come before him. He wants us to be open, to listen, and know that he is working in us.

He is making us a little more solid everyday.