When I was thinking about what lenten practice I would commit to this season, I was going to go for something kinda hardcore. Like fasting for 40 days. Or at least 7. Something that a medieval monk might do. Or at least a 1970's evangelical.
But I didn't. I decided to go for something a lot easier. Like fasting three lunches a week. And refraining from shopping. While they don't have the 'wow' factor as the harder stuff, they seemed worthwhile, and I thought I could focus more on quality, rather than quantity.
Okay, is it just me, or is anyone else struggling with keeping up with their lenten practices? I mean, for the most part I've been pretty good about the refraining part, but I catch myself just 'drifting' all the time! And while I've definitely had couple of instances of 'deeper reflection' during these moments, for the most part, I am focused much more on just simply 'not doing'.
All of which is quite revealing to me...
So, let me ask you -- lenten practices: harder than you thought?
[btw, as I was composing this, Nadia just commented on the previous post about her struggles with the lenten practices. Thanks Nadia!]
Definitely hard...really hard -- Instead of saying, "wanna go eat?" I have to say, "lets go grab boba or coffee". SIGH. turning down lunch/dinner invitations have been hard but it has also given me an opportunity to share the purpose of this lenten practice.
ReplyDeleteDuring this Lenten season I realized that trying to be more holy makes me feel less holy. The funny thing is, if I didn't try to push myself, I might just feel content with the type of holiness I had. However, now that it's too late, I see that what I had or thought I had in holiness is not so much.
ReplyDeleteThe first way I see this is in what you brought up, Pastor Jin, I thought I could go hardcore, but every year I choose something slightly difficult not really difficult. Abstaining from sweets, candies, and desserts is hard (especially for someone who carries bags of candies around with her), but its nothing like a real 3 day or 7 day fast (40 days...that's kinda insane). So, I realized that I'm not as willing to go for it, not willing to say, "Yes LORD I will do the difficult thing for you!"
Secondly, I realized that maybe I'm not supposed to be as holy as I thought I should be. Maybe that holiness is supposed to come from God to me, a sinner. Of course, I shouldn't go around committing more sin, but I think I'm realizing that even when I try hard to follow God's commandments, I still have enough sin. Holiness is God's grace to me and this Lent I'm still trying to wrap my mind around how generous and loving a God I serve.
Um.. YES. sadly, I somehow discovered a way to "cheat". It's a bigger thing than just not watching TV for me. It's escape in general. And I do it.. a lot.
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